She is not excited...AT ALL! I have tried to tell her that she already knows some of the kids in her class, she will love it, it will be so fun, that this is the year she will begin to read- on her own, and she will be a Big Girl now! The other part of me wants to cry all the time and tell her ..."You are right! Let's just not go!"
I worked for about 2 months after she was born during which time I brought her to school with me in the afternoons and then was off for the summer. (I taught elementary school.) Then I taught school for a year longer. When we moved to Kentucky, I never went back to teaching. I hated the idea of being in a new state and knowing not a soul in this town and certainly having absolutely no one I would trust to take care of my baby like I could. It was hard - in more ways than one! We were lucky to have savings from when we both worked and had no living expenses. (That is another story) If we hadn't had money in the bank I would have had to go to work doing something. I also wasn't used to being alone with a small child ALL DAY EVERY DAY! It was hard. but like everyone says "If you can stay home when your kids are little, you should!" That is so true. The past 5 years have flown by!
I have been very conscious of this being our last summer of freedom. We have taken trips- Dollywood, Tennessee to see family, Knoxville to the zoo, and Yellowstone National Park. We have camped out, roasted marshmallows, and slept late. We have watched movies, ridden horses, and attended the "Happy Hour" at Sonic more than once. We have played in the pool, had picnics, and playdates at the park. It just isn't enough though. I am not ready to loose this wonderful freedom we have had, she and I, for the last 5 years. Sure we had days of appointments and days of preschool at mother's day out, but nothing like this 13 year journey we are embarking on.
I am trying to keep up a good front like all moms of kindergartners do. I am planning to decorate the kitchen like I do for birthdays, complete with streamers and balloons for the big day. I am baking a cake with pink icing just for her. I want it to be a party. I couldn't feel less like being happy or partying, but that is what moms do. They make it all look hopeful and fun and exciting, when inside they just want to crawl into bed and cry all day that day... that day their baby goes off into the big world. I pray that we have made the right decision on where to send her to school. I hope she opens up and just blooms into this beautiful little person who loves to learn when she is there. I hope we get really lucky and she loves it from the get go. I hope I can say the right things if she doesn't. I hope she knows how much I will miss seeing her face between the hours of 8:30 and 3:30 each day and hearing her constant chatter in the house.
Her world will never be the same and mine won't either. I hope she knows that when I turn and leave Wednesday morning, I will hate to go as much or more than she hates to see me go.
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