Tuesday, January 21, 2014

Hard

Well, I've been away almost a year. Normal for me. I have intentions of writing a year end post to sum up 2013, but haven't managed to get to it yet. Surprising I know.

This blog, if I do write another post in the next 6-12 months, will take a turn since we will be moving in the next few months. We know when or about when, (June 1-July 1), but we don't know where we are going from here. Today the farm owner told my husband officially. We already knew people were looking to lease the farm where we live, but it is for sure. Today it got real. Today has been hard.

I am not crazy about this house, don't get me wrong. I like the kitchen, but other than that, I don't have any other room that I really even like here. The thing I will miss is the outdoors and the location. I will miss my kids being able to play in our fenced, one acre yard. I will miss being able to go on a run, and the kids ride their bikes and not worry about traffic or them staying right with me. I will miss having a gate at the end of my driveway, so no strangers at the door or salespeople. You can't be too safe today and I am funny about that anyway. I will miss the dog having plenty of room to run. I will miss seeing Jeremy drive from barn to barn behind the house, even if I couldn't actually see him. I will miss the occasional 2 minute visit from him. He was able to stop by the house some during breeding season last year, and even though it might only have been long enough to grab a coke from the garage fridge, some days that made my day. Breeding season days are long for all of us. There will, most likely, be no more of that. I will miss being less than 5 minutes from the kids school or the grocery store or a fast food restaurant. I will miss my sister being able to take the kids on a bike ride when they come to visit in the summer. I will miss that this is the last house Skidboot lived in. I will miss that this is the last house of ours that Jeremy's grandparents will ever visit. It is the only house Jack remembers. It is the first house that Lillie Claire ever lived in, and one she will remember only in pictures.

I worry that our moving so much (10 times in less than 18 years) and my kids not having any one place they called home growing up, will mean they scatter to the wind when they grow up. I worry that this might all happen in a few years. In the grand scheme of things, this isn't a big deal. Much more serious problems exist all over the place and I am grateful that this is the biggest problem I have at the moment. But today has been hard.